How to Talk Dirty Like a Dad Joke Expert
Dirty talk can be intimidating. "What do I say?" "Do I sound weird?" "Did I just use a word from a biology textbook?" Fear not. The solution is simple: Humor. Specifically, puns.
Why Funny is Sexy
Laughter releases endorphins. Sex releases endorphins. Combining them is like a chemical cocktail of happiness. Plus, if you say something incredibly stupid and she laughs, the pressure is off. You have lowered the bar. You are welcome.
The Starter Pack (Use with Caution)
Here are some lines tested by brave Dunderheads before you. Use at your own risk.
"Are you a parking ticket? Because you've got 'fine' written all over you."
Result: Eye roll, but continued making out.
"Is that a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants."
Result: 50/50 success rate. High volatility.
"Do you work at Starbucks? Because I like you a latte."
Result: Immediate expulsion from the bedroom.
Context is King
You cannot just drop these lines out of nowhere. They require setup.
For example, during undressing:
"I'd tell you a chemistry joke, but I know I wouldn't get a reaction."
(Then proceed to create a reaction. See what you did there? Genius.)
The Danger of "Anti-Sexy"
There is a fine line between "funny sexy" and "boner killer."
DO NOT SAY: "Okey-dokey artichokey" when asked if you're ready.
DO NOT SAY: "Boom goes the dynamite" unless you want to be single forever.
DO NOT SAY: "That'll do, pig. That'll do." (Reference: the movie Babe. Never appropriate.)
FAQ
Q: My partner hates puns.
A: Break up. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life. (Just kidding, try whispering normal things instead.)
Q: I laughed too hard and snorted.
A: Congratulations, you have achieved Peak Dunderhead status. Wear it as a badge of honor.